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Do you have a Pinterest account? No? Neither do I haha! Oh wait, I actually do have a Pinterest . I started it up for a work contract as a content producer.

I thought that the gallery based format would make it easier for me to find and annotate graphic content. It didn’t. In the end I used desktop folders and a word doc for my graphics and annotations because it was more straightforward. I still have a Pinterest account though.

Anyway, recent reports from Poynter suggest that although still a pretty small network, Pinterest has seen some growth in the last year with more and more men using the platform to follow sports.

Also, there was another article, I think it was in Dazed, that this generation of young people are what is known as fauxsumerists. This means that they really like awesome stuff but can’t afford it so they just collect and look at pictures of it instead.

This could be another reason for the steady growth of Pinterest and it totally makes sense to me. Growing up, our mother obviously couldn’t buy us all the toys and stuff we wanted so I would go with my brother to the Toymaster and stare intently at all the stuff we couldn’t buy.

We’d stand there for like an hour just imprinting details into our minds, each remembering different parts of each 3D object. Then we’d go home, get out some paper and crayons and collaborate. I was the talent. He was the quality control.

Despite my obvious limitations in not being a good artist at all, I would draw and colour exactly what it was we had studied in the Toymaster, consulting with my brother about certain specific details.

When the 2D versions of the toys we wanted were complete, we would get out a handycraft scissors and cut the things out and just fucking play with them, as if they were the actual 3D versions of the toys.

Result: many happy hours making beatbox explosion sounds with our mouths *pmmmchhhhhh*.

Conclusion: Poverty? Psssshhhh.

The point to that story is, I can see how Pinterest has it’s value.

Here are a few other ways you can use Pinterest:

1) Wedding

Brie Bella Pinterest

Scout the perfect location for your wedding like Reality TV stars do

I saw this on the shitty WWE Reality TV show Total Divas, where one half of the Bella Twins, Brie Bella wanted to find a location for her wedding ceremony to Wrestling Champion, Daniel Bryan.

So Brie took to Pinterest for about 6 hours a day until she found the right location. And most of the episode was about her being on Pinterest looking at jpegs with her twin sister drinking a lot of Cab Sauv and sighing.

2) Food

mcdonalds pinterest

You can collect pictures of food that other people eat on Pinterest

Mary Kate Olsen used to just look at pictures of bagels when she was hungry. It was enough for her. What I would recommend is that if you set up specific galleries of different types of foods for different occasions. Don’t just have one gallery called “food”.

Have a fast food gallery. There you can put all your pictures of McDonalds and Burger King (Hungry Jacks if you live in Australia), White Castle, Wendys, whatever is good for a quick snack on the go. Then seperate your other galleries by region; have an Italian cuisine, Japanese, Thai, Mexican. Anytime you feel hungry just think about what food you would like to eat, open up your Pinterest and look at a picture of that food. You will be satisfied.

3) Kittens

cute kittens on pinterest

Collect pictures of kittens on Pinterest because they help you to not be dead inside

Here’s the thing with working long hours editing blocks of text. It’s boring. No matter how well your brain is wired to that type of work and I assure you, I’m well suited. I’m just pedantic enough to get some measure of satisfaction from it but at times, I’m also just dead enough inside to be all like “fuck this shit.”

I worked in a job where we had an office dog. Every now and then I would take a 20 minute break to play with Charlie B and see if his drooling fluffiness would revitalize my commitment to projects. It did. Dogs are great. Kittens are better. If you can’t have a real kitten, make sure you got pictures of kittens on standby to keep your head in a good place.

4) Memes

Natalie Portman meme

A very important and underused Natalie Portman meme

Memes are good for sharing with your friends to make them laugh but more and more, they are being used to add a cultural signifier to conversations on social media threads.

For example, I think this Natalie Portman meme is an underused and extremely important meme. Picture the scenario: your “Facebook friend” posts one of those cryptically smoasty status updates like “Gearing up for Friday! Totes pumped! I’m Sooooo Luckyyyyy.” Well, obviously the only acceptable response is to post this meme of Nat.

5) Animated Gifs

animated gifs and why they're great

Animated gifs can display real emotions

You cannot post animated gifs on Facebook comment threads. Well you can post them but they’re just static. However, if you frequent other forums or have a Tumblr or a Kinja account, this is where animated gifs are so extremely very insanely appreciated,

All of my Tumblr reblogs come from Donnie Darko gifs. All of them. If you’re not posting and reblogging gifs on Tumblr then you are not with it. You are uncool and you are old. Use Pinterest to collect your fave gifs and be cool for once in your life.

6) Fashion

looking at clothes on pinterest

If you picture yourself wearing this dress, you have to also take J-Law’s head as a 2 for 1 deal

Here we go fauxsumerists. If you really actually want to buy clothes online, I would recommend using DHGate wholesalers. Prices are good. Customer service is Chinese but good. Sometimes they ship your jackets to Russia by accident and then offer you a free belt when you complain but it’s actually affordable and good for diversity of sizes.

Orrrrrrr you can just collect pictures of clothes you want to wear. Look at the pictures of you in that amazing Stella McCartney. Imagine what you would look like in it, even though in your mind you can’t stop making your head look like J-Law’s at the moment when she’s pretending she wants to push Taylor Swift down the Stairs. Anyway, just look at the clothes. Don’t buy them.

7) Metaphors

My crotch smells like an Ewok

You can go really metaphorical with your Pinterest albums

Create a Pinterest album that seems to be about one thing but is actually represented by other apparently unrelated stuff.

To my own horror, when I realized that I had a Pinterest account and checked back to see what I had done on there, I had an album called “Stuff my crotch smells like.” What was in there? Well, a picture of some Ewoks, a rollercoaster and Prince Harry.

8) Workout Ideas

lazy slob work out

Make sure you put at least one picture in your “Workout Ideas” album

I had a Pinterest album for workout ideas too. when I opened it, there was nothing in there. It was absolutely and completely blank.

Sorry.

9) Sports

collect sporting moments on pinterest

Sports?

Not entirely sure how this works but evidence suggests that the gender divide between women and men using Pinterest is decreasing because of sports.

So I’m going out on a limb here but I think you can use Pinterest to collect pictures of your favourite sports players doing their best sports when they’re sportsing. It’s those moments when they have scored an important sports point and their teammates are cheering, going “we can win this sports.” These are the moments you want to collect and cherish.

10) Movies

if anyone needs to make a call I've got a phone

You can reconstruct your favourite movies entirely in gif format

Have you ever tried to recreate the entirety of the movie Romy and Michelle’s Highschool Reunion, using only animated gifs that you found online?

Well, I haven’t yet but I am certainly going to try.

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