A story emerged all over the US media over the weekend about Hollywood actress, Amy Adams, giving up her first class seat on a flight for a US soldier, leading every US media outlet to practically shriek in unison that Amy Adams is definitely a nice woman.

When Adams was approached by reporters in the airport, the star shared that she hadn’t given up her seat for the soldier in order to draw attention to herself, but rather to draw attention to the military. Okayyy.

I’m actually pulling these figures right out of the ether but I’m still pretty confident to suggest that the number one question that 90% of Americans enjoy asking 100% of Americans is “Do you support the military?” and 90% of Americans are pretty much 100% certain to answer “Why yes.Yes, indeed I do.”

If ever asked, It’s also advisable that your answer to the question is given without even going so far as to even evaluate the specifics of what you are supporting the military in actually doing.

So what do you support? Freeing the shit out of oil and energy resource rich, unstable political areas around the globe.

Bombarding children in Yemen and Pakistan with robot war weapons because there might or might not be a terrorist training base there masquerading as a pre-school.

Just support the US government on spending more money on war than it does on schools so they can bomb schools in other countries. It’ll all balance out for the greater good.

Basically, just state that you support the military for “Protecting Our Freedom”. No one can question the veracity of that.

We should actually all be just letting US soldiers do whatever they want, anywhere they want and Amy Adams is a nice woman for reminding everyone of this.

According to reports, after the switch was made, Amy Adams (a nice woman) met with the soldier briefly and privately by the cockpit, then went back to her new seat in coach and settled into her new role as a universally touted nice woman.

However, according to eyewitnesses, who are actually ghosts, Amy Adams also privately offered the soldier not only her first class seat, but also her firstborn child, so that the soldier could bathe in it’s blood, which would subsequently enable him move on to the next plane of existence, as a dark malevolent preternatural overlord, which is also nice.

Nice, nice, nice.

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