Frequently entertaining, lovably snotty gossip blog Gawker, broke the story this week of Paris Hilton ordering a new teeny tiny dog that she can commodify and neglect with all of her
heart vacant cardial cavity, until she completely forgets about that dog and orders a new one to abuse to pieces.
Paris broke the news to fans about her intention to adopt the animal, on Instagram, by means of posting a picture of the animal sitting in the palm of a human hand with the caption “Just ordered this aaa.”
The dog, which Paris doesn’t yet know what to name (and probably why she refers to it as a “this”) was bought for $13,000 from Betty’s Yorkies and stands at 2 ½ Inches tall, as it is one of those animals that are bred on puppy farms to be unique and/or novelty to people who have repeatedly demonstrated that they have no soul.
Let’s just say it again before we go on to examine both Paris’ Instagram timeline, and at some point, her pet ownership history: Just ordered this aaa.
Looking at Thursday’s posts. Here’s the one that was mentioned earlier. There’s the dog. Sitting in the hand. “Just ordered this aaa.”
She then remembers that the day is 9/11 and posts a heartfelt meme reminding us to “never forget”.
Then she remembers the dog again but reposts the same image as the previous dog image, and provides some sort of explainer for “Just ordered this aaa” caption.
“Just ordered this adorable little baby from @BettysYorkies! Cannot wait to meet him! What should I name this cute lil guy?” aaa.
She then goes on to post two more pictures of the dog before forgetting about it completely and going to a party with Cara Delevigne, the supermodel who Reese Witherspoon once gave terrifying sex advice to in an elevator. Then Nicky Hilton, Nicky Hilton, then a mirror selfie.
Finally she remembers about the “this” that she ordered and takes two more Instagrams with her “aaa” new “this.”
Just a timely reminder to never forget that a “this” is a dog and “aaa” is how you spell “adorable” before you go and look up the spelling of the word.
Then today, we have 2 more instagrams of Paris’ new “this” leading us full circle back to instagrams of Paris Hilton charging rich kids $10,000 to party with her, signifying that this could be the last we will ever see of Paris’ new “this.”
Based on a tip and just by looking 8 weeks back on her Instagram, I will be investigating details of each and every household pet that Paris Hilton has owned, how “aaa” they were, how long they lived, and by which form of neglect they ultimately died.
Thanks for stopping by.